Last Friday C gave me a letter to post to his stepmother in the UK.
He handled it to me unsealed and he asked me to read it before sending it.
It was an up to date on his activities and his jobs and the feelings about the new school as well as the relationship with his students in general. He described to her how different both schools are and the distinctive approachs they have to education. He also explained to her that he feels happy to work in an enviroment where his opinion is well respected, where his work and his efforts are always welcome and appreciated.
Obviously, our baby was the subject of almost half the letter. How I am feeling, and why we choose that name for him, etc., etc..
He explained that unfortunatelly, we won't be able to travel to visit her and the rest of the family in the short term. The family budget is the main reason for this, but also because we would like to take the baby with us and we would like him to be at least one year old for such a long trip.
He also wrote that sometimes, he can not prevent himself for feeling low and depressed. He wrote how much he misses his friends, his family and his green England.
I was move to tears as I know so well how much he still suffers. I was aware of the brave decision he took two years ago when he decided to leave everything behind to step into the unknown.
Even when it was his own free will, I can understand how difficult and challenging all those changes probably were for him. From the peace of the green filds to busy beaches, from the beauty of the snow hills to the heat of summertime, from the quietness of a life with no little ones around to daily life with two kids aged 8 and 5 who were as noisy as welcoming.
The cultural shock was also inmense. I realised he felt rootless and inadequate. The language issue also contribuited to make him feel isolated: he didn't understand Spanish, neither he could communicate.
I could feel his pain. I could see how much he was struggling with so many new things in his life and I also sensed the worst: he was regretting his decision.
Those were very difficult times.
Both for him and for me.
I didn't know how to help him feel better nor what could I do to support him. And I also went through a lot of misery myself as I felt frustrated because I could not give him what he needed to be positive and confident again about our life together.
I guessed it was his own grief and he needed to overcome that mourning. I guessed he needed time to digest what was going on in his new life. I could only be by his side to accompany him and give him all my love.
And with time, he started to feel a little more settle down.
We got married exactly a year after his arrival and for that event his sister and his 18-years-old nephew came over for a 20 days visit.
Next November will be 2 years since he is with us and we are expecting our baby boy for December. I am sure that he will make a wonderful father and I wish so much he will enjoy his baby.
I do know that sometimes he feels down and sinks into melancholy but I can only hope that, as time goes by, we will grow as a close and happy family.
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4 comments:
I think that there is always something a little sad about being a migrant.
Your new life may be better than your old life, you put down roots in a new country, and hopefully you find love there. But there is always a part of you that long for the sights and sounds you grew up with, where you always understand what is going on, and where you can express yourself freely in your first language.
I always think that migrants are very brave. I'm not sure that I could do it.
I interviewed migrants for my PhD. One thing that made a tremendous difference for them was when they had a child in their new country. When they had a child who they knew would grow up there, they felt much more of a sense of belonging and that their future would also be there.
You are going to make a wonderful mother to your new baby - not long to go now!
Hi Emily,
I couldn't agree more with your comment.
The population of my country is formed mainly by european migrants (Spanish and Italian mainly) who came to this part of the world due to the wars. Their reason for migrating then was the saddest ever as they were forced to leave their own place for fear, to save their lives or just for economic reasons.
They were looking for a better life and this country developed into a wealthy and prosperous nation (that unfortunatelly subsequent economic crisis and a devastating militar dictatorship managed to destroy).
My husband's reason to migrate was a completely different one.
We met when I was travelling around the UK and we fell in love, and then he took the decision to move over with me. He said the place was irrelevant (his own words) as he just wanted to have a life with me, the place was not important for him at all.
I would have loved to live in the UK, and we still dream and fantasise about it. But that was not a possibility due to my two little kids who have a good relationship with their father and it would have been unfair and painful to separate them.
So C moved to a completely different country, unknow to him, a very different society and a language he didn't speak. As I said, the cultural shock was terrible.
Only now, after almost 2 years, he is starting to feel more settle down and yes, I hope the baby would bring more joy to his life.
2 more months to go and baby Thomas Angel will be with us. We are all looking forward to having him with us.
x
Hi Lady, I am reading your blog top to bottom. A lot of the disrespect i felt towrds your hubby after reading the first post melted when I read this one.
I had not read your profile and had no idea you all were in such a different situation than most. (Maybe Emily is right ?? in her answer to the most recent post)
Buena Suerte, OB.
Hello Oldbear,
Thank you for commenting.
Yes, I know my husband is a beautiful person and I am so thankful that he made so many sacrifices to be by my side.
My latest post was the description of an unhappy event that at the moment, we are working on overcoming.
I am sure of his love and I believe in us as a couple.
Neither of us are perfect. We have our tough times, we need to work on our relationship, and we need to learn from each other and grow as a couple. I am positive and confident because I know this is our common aim.
x
xo
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