Update

After so much silence (although I've been following my blogger mates' adventures and posting some comments here and there) I managed to organize a little bit my time to try and make an update of the past couple of months.

To put it briefly, either I was too sad or too busy to write or post anything. My last post was about the events in my life during last Easter Week, and for a while I was so upset that I decided not to write in an attempt to stop drowning in my own misery.

It took me quite a long time to rebuild myself after those events. Whilst I continue with my mundane activities, juggling with work, the kids, the family needs and the housework, deep inside I felt something was broken inside of me.

I wanted to be furious, I wanted to hate him for the pain he had caused me. But I couldn't. I was too upset and so dissapointed I couldn't even feel anger. And above all, I was afraid of not being able to heal that bleeding wound.

We had some open, frank conversations. He said to me that he was ashamed of what he had done, he said sorry so many times, that I finally screamed that the appologizes were turning meaningless. Despite all his words, my mind couldn't deal with the idea that what he wrote on that emails was (is?) what he feels for real, and that was for sure, hard to live with.

However I managed.

I managed to recover myself. And finally, I came back.

The last couple of months life has been stressfull. Rushing all the time, dealing with the house work, the kids needs, and restarting the full time job at the office, all that mixed up with sleepless nights.

Me time does not exist at the moment. Trying to reorganize my thoughts proves to be a challenge, and I am afraid, I am not being successfull at all. Even posting something coherent here has been impossible.

Added to that, I do not blog from home but from my pc at the office. The only pc at home is C's, no way that I could use it for blogging purposes. Of course, he would let me use it if extremely neccessary AND... he would also lean over my shoulder while I type. Not that he is curious about what I have to say/write here but he is extremely jealous of his pc. However, even if I have the chance to blog from home, I would be sacrificing my time with the kids and that is exactly what I do not want to do.

So there you are, all my excuses for being so quiet all this time.

Now, I feel the necessity to come back again.