Why I am starting this blog

and why it is in English.

I was born in the 60's although I was reborn as a new human being a couple of years ago.
First of all I need to say that English is not my mother tongue and that my first language is Spanish (so, please, be nice!).
I've always felt the necessity to write. It helps me clarify my thoughts, organize my ideas. It is a fantastic tool when I have to deal with problems and also I discover, again and again, that this activity calms me down when I am in the eye of an emotional crisis.
I can cry my tears in "ink" in the form of words. I can draw my miseries and joys in dancing letters on a screen.
Since English is not my first language, I asked myself why I do not want to write in Spanish right now and I found out some important (to me) reasons:

1. Daily life.

My husband (C) is British.
I speak English with my husband, Spanish with the kids, a mixture of both with the cats (4... yes, 4 cats), fortunately we have no dogs, and I do not chat with the ants (yet).

2. Cultural issue.

At the moment, I feel closer to an European (British) culture than the American one (which sometimes could be quite problematic).

3. Emotional charge.

I felt that this "cleaning" activity of myself that I experiment when writing has not the same effect on me when the vehicle is the Spanish language. I sensed that words lack of emotional charge and they don't express efficiently enough my inner thoughts nor my emotions.
Certainly, my feelings, my emotions and the important changes in my life, are "lived" in another language which happens to be not my mother tongue. Of course, this is my personal feeling, I've always thought that the Spanish language is one of the richiest languages. However, I have the impression that words are "weak", they have not enough "texture" and I feel uncomfortable when writing about myself in Spanish. This may sound weird, as I've always been happy with writing, but at the moment, I am in a situation where I wonder which one is my "first" languague anyway.

4. Who may read this blog?

Well, anyone who could read in English.
C's first language is English and he does not speak Spanish, his understanding is improving every day though (thank you kids!).
There will be many things here that will be hard to say, or even difficult to express. And I am also aware that C wouldn't be very happy with some of my thoughts about certain issues I could write here and, no doubt, he will have a different aproach to my concerns, my doubts, my fears, my ideas.
However, this is me, I do have a "dark side", that one you don't want anybody to know about it. I know plain talking makes you vulnerable. It is risky, it is dangerous, but it would be me, facing the world.

Wish me luck
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