Last Friday C gave me a letter to post to his stepmother in the UK.
He handled it to me unsealed and he asked me to read it before sending it.
It was an up to date on his activities and his jobs and the feelings about the new school as well as the relationship with his students in general. He described to her how different both schools are and the distinctive approachs they have to education. He also explained to her that he feels happy to work in an enviroment where his opinion is well respected, where his work and his efforts are always welcome and appreciated.
Obviously, our baby was the subject of almost half the letter. How I am feeling, and why we choose that name for him, etc., etc..
He explained that unfortunatelly, we won't be able to travel to visit her and the rest of the family in the short term. The family budget is the main reason for this, but also because we would like to take the baby with us and we would like him to be at least one year old for such a long trip.
He also wrote that sometimes, he can not prevent himself for feeling low and depressed. He wrote how much he misses his friends, his family and his green England.
I was move to tears as I know so well how much he still suffers. I was aware of the brave decision he took two years ago when he decided to leave everything behind to step into the unknown.
Even when it was his own free will, I can understand how difficult and challenging all those changes probably were for him. From the peace of the green filds to busy beaches, from the beauty of the snow hills to the heat of summertime, from the quietness of a life with no little ones around to daily life with two kids aged 8 and 5 who were as noisy as welcoming.
The cultural shock was also inmense. I realised he felt rootless and inadequate. The language issue also contribuited to make him feel isolated: he didn't understand Spanish, neither he could communicate.
I could feel his pain. I could see how much he was struggling with so many new things in his life and I also sensed the worst: he was regretting his decision.
Those were very difficult times.
Both for him and for me.
I didn't know how to help him feel better nor what could I do to support him. And I also went through a lot of misery myself as I felt frustrated because I could not give him what he needed to be positive and confident again about our life together.
I guessed it was his own grief and he needed to overcome that mourning. I guessed he needed time to digest what was going on in his new life. I could only be by his side to accompany him and give him all my love.
And with time, he started to feel a little more settle down.
We got married exactly a year after his arrival and for that event his sister and his 18-years-old nephew came over for a 20 days visit.
Next November will be 2 years since he is with us and we are expecting our baby boy for December. I am sure that he will make a wonderful father and I wish so much he will enjoy his baby.
I do know that sometimes he feels down and sinks into melancholy but I can only hope that, as time goes by, we will grow as a close and happy family.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Dear friend...
The last couple of days have been hectic.
We had a busy weekend, filled with social activities.
Last Friday, one of my friends from adolescence was 40 years old and her husband organized a small party with family and friends to celebrate.
My friend and I don't see each other very often: our lives have gone separate ways and actually, our lives are very different. Although we are in touch, it is difficult for us to find our space. We don't have many things in common now, but we still care a lot about each other.
It was nice to see them all again. However, I experienced an strange feeling when the memories of all those years we shared toegether took me by surprise.
We were in our 15ish when we met at high school. We were so naive and unexperienced then. We went through so many experiences together. The breakdown of my mother's second marriage, her father's death, the mental crisis of her oldest brother and his subsequent dissapearance...
We were very different and maybe due to that, we got on that well, we were compatible, in a way we had complementary personalities. Under a mask of shyness, she was a strong character, sometimes not very easy going: she had no many friends. I was the free spirit, the rebellious one, the extrovert, always with friends around, the bright student, the popular girl of the class.
Yes, we were very different.
However, we were the same.
Our values were the same, our principles were the same.
We both believed in honesty, we both thought a better world was possible, we borne together the last death rattles of a dictatorship regime that had opressed our country (and the whole region) for decades. We strongly believed that freedom was the answer and that it was worth fighting for it. And we deeply believed that true love existed.
It was not until we were 19 when, that same year and for the first time in our lives, we started a serious relationship. And our lives turned upside down. Our friendship suffered a lot because our boyfriends came from very different backgrounds. Hers was training to become a businessman while mine was a hard-working University student, fighting against all odds to become a lawyer.
We overcame dramatic moments together and we only had each other for support. She had to go on an abortion in a country where this practice is not legal and I suffered the treatment of a very macho boyfriend who after having our first sex encounter said to me that he wanted to leave me as he was sure it was not my first time.
We shared summers in the beach, full of fragrant pines and salty oceans. I can still remember how excited she was when due to my adventurous spirit (and thanks that my English was good enough at 20!!) we met Simon Le Bon and wife as he was in a Witbread Round The World Race competition that made a stop at Punta del Este harbour. How nervous and frustrated she was because they invited us for some drinks at theirs and she couldn't say a word in English!
Then, my mother got her a job as a receptionist at the same TV channel my mother used to be the Human Resources manager. After 20 years she is still working there, in the same position. At that time I was already working at the Faculty of Medicine in an administrative department (I got my first job at 17), and studying Laws at the University.
She finally married her boyfriend (who gave up his business studies for a salesman position) and had a very conventional wedding, with a fluffy immaculate white dress included. After 7 years of dating, my bofriend and I, rented an apartment and went to live together (despite my mother's dissaproval who also liked the idea of the silly dress for me).
She had her 3 boys one after the other. I was still going to the University and moving to better jobs.
She turned into a full time housewife, although she kept her job at the TV Channel.
I had my first kid, at 29 and my second one at 33. At that point I was already sure of two things: I didn't want to become a lawyer and my partner was cheating on me.
When my daughter was not even 1 year old yet, the circumstances pushed me to take drastic decisions and I decided that after 15 years of being together, my partner and I, have nothing in common but two beautiful kids. I asked him to leave the house.
My friend was there to support me like in the old times and after a huge crisis I managed to revive. I worked hard, I started to study English Literature and I went back to painting, which were my two old passions. I saved money and did some rebuildings in my home and finally, I planned a two months trip to the UK. My life changed completely at Manchester airport. The rest is another story.
Last Friday, looking at my friend I couldn't help but thinking how much better I feel now with myself than in our adolescence or in our twenties. I was aware of how more complete as a woman I feel now and how much happier with the person I am. I realized that the several changes and crisis I went through made me stronger and turned me into a better human being.
Every period of our lives is different. I would not denny any of my past attitudes or decisions and I do not regret my past. However, if I had the chance to be 20 again, undoubtedelly, and from the perspective of my 40's, I would have other options now and probably, take other decisions.
I couldn't sense the same attitude in my friend though. I sensed tiredness, all the unbearable weight of routine on her shoulders, I couldn't see that amazing bright in her eyes and she didn't give me that contagious fresh smile as in the old times either. She looked worn out.
For a moment I felt I wanted to leave as soon as possible, to escape from that house. I knew there was nothing I could say or do to make her life easier. Maybe she was ok, maybe she doesn't even feel the necessity to make changes in her life... but once more, I thought the contrast with my happiness was very noticeable.
Happy Birthday Dear Friend.
We had a busy weekend, filled with social activities.
Last Friday, one of my friends from adolescence was 40 years old and her husband organized a small party with family and friends to celebrate.
My friend and I don't see each other very often: our lives have gone separate ways and actually, our lives are very different. Although we are in touch, it is difficult for us to find our space. We don't have many things in common now, but we still care a lot about each other.
It was nice to see them all again. However, I experienced an strange feeling when the memories of all those years we shared toegether took me by surprise.
We were in our 15ish when we met at high school. We were so naive and unexperienced then. We went through so many experiences together. The breakdown of my mother's second marriage, her father's death, the mental crisis of her oldest brother and his subsequent dissapearance...
We were very different and maybe due to that, we got on that well, we were compatible, in a way we had complementary personalities. Under a mask of shyness, she was a strong character, sometimes not very easy going: she had no many friends. I was the free spirit, the rebellious one, the extrovert, always with friends around, the bright student, the popular girl of the class.
Yes, we were very different.
However, we were the same.
Our values were the same, our principles were the same.
We both believed in honesty, we both thought a better world was possible, we borne together the last death rattles of a dictatorship regime that had opressed our country (and the whole region) for decades. We strongly believed that freedom was the answer and that it was worth fighting for it. And we deeply believed that true love existed.
It was not until we were 19 when, that same year and for the first time in our lives, we started a serious relationship. And our lives turned upside down. Our friendship suffered a lot because our boyfriends came from very different backgrounds. Hers was training to become a businessman while mine was a hard-working University student, fighting against all odds to become a lawyer.
We overcame dramatic moments together and we only had each other for support. She had to go on an abortion in a country where this practice is not legal and I suffered the treatment of a very macho boyfriend who after having our first sex encounter said to me that he wanted to leave me as he was sure it was not my first time.
We shared summers in the beach, full of fragrant pines and salty oceans. I can still remember how excited she was when due to my adventurous spirit (and thanks that my English was good enough at 20!!) we met Simon Le Bon and wife as he was in a Witbread Round The World Race competition that made a stop at Punta del Este harbour. How nervous and frustrated she was because they invited us for some drinks at theirs and she couldn't say a word in English!
Then, my mother got her a job as a receptionist at the same TV channel my mother used to be the Human Resources manager. After 20 years she is still working there, in the same position. At that time I was already working at the Faculty of Medicine in an administrative department (I got my first job at 17), and studying Laws at the University.
She finally married her boyfriend (who gave up his business studies for a salesman position) and had a very conventional wedding, with a fluffy immaculate white dress included. After 7 years of dating, my bofriend and I, rented an apartment and went to live together (despite my mother's dissaproval who also liked the idea of the silly dress for me).
She had her 3 boys one after the other. I was still going to the University and moving to better jobs.
She turned into a full time housewife, although she kept her job at the TV Channel.
I had my first kid, at 29 and my second one at 33. At that point I was already sure of two things: I didn't want to become a lawyer and my partner was cheating on me.
When my daughter was not even 1 year old yet, the circumstances pushed me to take drastic decisions and I decided that after 15 years of being together, my partner and I, have nothing in common but two beautiful kids. I asked him to leave the house.
My friend was there to support me like in the old times and after a huge crisis I managed to revive. I worked hard, I started to study English Literature and I went back to painting, which were my two old passions. I saved money and did some rebuildings in my home and finally, I planned a two months trip to the UK. My life changed completely at Manchester airport. The rest is another story.
Last Friday, looking at my friend I couldn't help but thinking how much better I feel now with myself than in our adolescence or in our twenties. I was aware of how more complete as a woman I feel now and how much happier with the person I am. I realized that the several changes and crisis I went through made me stronger and turned me into a better human being.
Every period of our lives is different. I would not denny any of my past attitudes or decisions and I do not regret my past. However, if I had the chance to be 20 again, undoubtedelly, and from the perspective of my 40's, I would have other options now and probably, take other decisions.
I couldn't sense the same attitude in my friend though. I sensed tiredness, all the unbearable weight of routine on her shoulders, I couldn't see that amazing bright in her eyes and she didn't give me that contagious fresh smile as in the old times either. She looked worn out.
For a moment I felt I wanted to leave as soon as possible, to escape from that house. I knew there was nothing I could say or do to make her life easier. Maybe she was ok, maybe she doesn't even feel the necessity to make changes in her life... but once more, I thought the contrast with my happiness was very noticeable.
Happy Birthday Dear Friend.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Beautiful...
Last Saturday we made love.
It was more than 15 days since we last had any kind of sex.
It was tender, it was passionate, it was furious, it was ferocious...
The emotional and physical relief was like a blessing. My body, my mind, my spirit and my whole being were impossible to control.
I couldn't help but crying.
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